Are you asking me to be less of myself?

Relationships are the fertile ground of unlearning.

I say unlearning, as it seems that life is less about acquisition and more about the unravelling of conditioning (all that we're not).

And parenthood is right up there in the zone of 'highly confronting revelations'.

The facets of relationships with our nearest and dearest that irk us the most are likely to be reflecting the ickier parts of us that we'd rather not acknowledge.

My daughter is a beautiful mirror for this.

She is gregarious, heartfelt, tenacious and unwavering in her capacity to point to areas of contradiction in me. My intention is to raise her to be who she is, unapologetically.

It turns out that sometimes you get what you ask for, and it can blindside you.

She has an extremely unnerving ability to notice how I translate her behaviour as an extension of my perceived identity. The discomfort I feel in these moments is an excruciating revelation of a belief I hold about 'looking like a good mum'.

So if she's in conflict with another child (or adult) and is speaking her mind, but it feels yucky to me, it is her candid approach that is jarring with my beliefs about 'behaving a certain way' and 'not rocking the boat'. It starts to unveil some pretty murky waters in my psyche about 'not upsetting others' which is enmeshed in a history of people-pleasing tendencies.

Her intolerance for this seemingly chameleon-like behaviour on my part is immediately articulated. It once very clearly expressed itself in the utterance, "Mummy, are you asking me to be less of myself?" after I invited her to tone down her directness.

Honestly, it had me reeling.

What a brilliant question. Because what I LOVE about her, in truth, is her uncompromising ability to be who she is. She brings accountability where there is dissonance, even if it is infuriating in the moment!

It struck me that the areas of discomfort, of disconnect and emotional response in relationships ARE the gateway for deeper reflection and enquiry. Not to tolerate hurtful behaviour or fall into a labyrinth of blame or criticism, but to get curious about what might be lurking beneath those uncomfortable contractions.

To explore areas like this in more depth, please drop me a DM about 1-1 innate wellbeing coaching.